Couples Counseling and/or Marriage Therapy

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Couples therapy can consist of two people who are romantically involved, or were once romantically involved. Couples attending couples counseling may be married, in a long term relationship but not married, in a civil union, partnership, etc. If you are in a polyamourous relationship you may want to ensure your therapist has experience working with polyamourous clients and/or specializes in this area. 

During your session time, counseling will consist of your therapist setting guidelines for communication in and outside of the session, help you to establish goals for therapy and benchmarkers for your relationship, and guide couples to identify necessary changes and compromises for a successful relationship. 

Your therapist will most likely never suggest you get divorced or suggest you advise that you should stay together. Your therapist will help you and your partner discuss differences of perspective in your relationship and help you together make a decision or create a plan for the future. 

Couples therapy is a proven effective tool for addressing conflict in relationships and saving a marriage on the brink of divorce. However, you do not have to be on the brink of divorce to attend marriage counseling or couples counseling. Many couples seek counseling to help rekindle a romance, improve communication, and/or work through troubling times that are part of their life right now. 

Couples counseling may consist of a few refresher sessions or a more long term plan you can decide on with your therapist. Most often your couples counselor will not work with you individually, however this may happen on rare occasions. Some counselors will meet with both individuals first and then bring you back together in the next session.  Many will only meet with you together. This depends on the style of the therapist and the particular challenges facing the couple. 

When should you seek marriage or couples counseling? There is no perfect answer to this because every couple is different, however if one or both partners is having a difficult time connecting with the other one, and you feel that you just “not on the same page”, this might be a clue to seek out a marriage or couples therapist who can serve as a third party and help you to identify and work through the current problem at hand. Of course it is recommended to not wait to seek out therapy. On average, it takes couples 6 years to finally commit to calling a therapist. It is better to call earlier than later and not wait 6 years.

Below is a list of challenges that might suggest you should reach out to counseling:

1. When you aren't talking

2. When you're talking, but it’s always negative

3. When you're afraid to talk

4. When affection is withheld as punishment

5. When you see your partner as an antagonist

6. When you keep secrets

7. When you contemplate (or are having) an affair

8. When you are financially unfaithful

9. When you feel everything would be OK if he/she/they would just change 

10. When you’re living separate lives

11. When your sex life has shifted significantly

12. When you argue over the same little things over and over again

13. When there are ongoing relationship issues